Sunday, July 3, 2011

I'm not gonna lie. Just some raw truth.

So everything is not always rainbows, sunshine, and unicorns over at Casa Confident. I mostly post the rainbows & unicorns because this is a scrapbook of little Micah's first year (and hopefully years to come). I try to be real in my commentary which is seldom censored, but I'd describe this as a pretty happy place. Overall, we try to be positive people. Although, I won't lie. I could teach a class called Complaining 101. After all, I am a whiner. I'm sad to admit that publicly, but anyone who knows me truly has had the "Mrs. C, Shut UP" talk with me at one time or another.

(It's true. I'm sorry, but I can be a bit "whoa is me the sky is falling" sometimes drama queen over nothing.)

Sometimes things aren't happy. And sometimes I don't wanna pretend.

It's just hard to know what the line becomes on this mommy blogging thing. For example, when is something I post going to embarrass Micah in the future? When do I need to take in account his feelings on the subject? How much blogging is too much information when it comes to privacy? Everybody wants a blogger who is "real" out there, but how much should remain in my own heart?

Anyone else ever feel this way? Yet, I love to write to express myself.. Writing is therapy. (And sometimes....whining is also therapy. And, yes, I realize how many sentences I have started with a contraction back there. For shame!) However, the Bible commands us to do everything without complaining so I try really hard not to.

So what is the point of this post?

Well, in the interest of keeping some things private I will just say we're dealing with a health situation with Micah. It's nothing that is super serious (cancer) or super life threatening (looming death & destruction). However, it is a bit above, say an ear infection. We were at a children's hospital (outpatient) this week, and now Micah's at home recovering. Yes, I know I haven't told you. Yes, we haven't really told our friends. In fact, we just kind of kept it quiet so things could be low key. And I have never had my happy baby be anything other than happy, and now he is just plain pitiful. And I. Am. So. Stinking. Tired. And. Mad. I mean, Mommy is just worn down. I'm exhausted!

To be honest, we also received some news about a prayer request that did not go our way. And the prayers that have been prayed for years are running out of time to be answered. And the Lord slammed a door shut in our face again.

And between these two things--caring for a sick child & a no to the prayer request--I think I may just lose it. Rationally, I know these feelings are stupid. Emotionally? I'm being swept down the Self Pity River. I mean, Micah doesn't have anything serious. Honestly. He's just pitiful, not sleeping, crying a lot, and hurting. I'm not a St. Jude Mom, so I need to get over myself.

Mr. C is just precious to take him and let me sleep some during the day. Mr. C is also precious to remind me of so many amazing, answered prayers from our Mighty Lord. "Don't you remember the Lord doing this, Mrs. C? Don't you remember the Lord doing that, Mrs. C?"

And I do remember. Then I look over at my precious, pitiful son.

When he mutters "Mama" over and over again and those pitiful little hurting eyes look up at me...

There's no place I'd rather be. Seriously. I'm just tired emotionally. This has been going on since Tuesday. So I am sorry for the venting, but I do feel better now. Whining has ended. Back to the rainbows & unicorns.

Or maybe not.

Sometimes it feels good just to be real because like life the Christian walk isn't all rainbows & unicorns either. I think that if we didn't struggle with our faith in the Christian walk at times with trials that I might be tempted to wonder if my faith was actually real faith.

Thanks be the Lord my faith is real. Flawed, most definitely. Hurting, absolutely. Real, no question.

Happy Fourth, y'all.


  1. Hard days are inevitable! It is spool tough to have a sick child. Don't hesitate to twitter me if you're ever in need of a vent!! =)

  2. Spool tough? Spell check cracks me up! That was soooo tough! Ha!